A parent is worried that their child has no friends. Yet the parent has pulled away from people for a long time and spends most days tired and low. This raises a question: does a child simply learn what they see at home?
A common belief says children come to resemble their parents’ way of life, and that a child cannot change unless the parent does. Recent research supports part of this picture, but not in such a categorical form.
This article draws on 2025 and 2026 studies to explain which part of the belief has support, which pathways are plausible, and why “change the parent so the child changes” is not an accurate sentence.
Is there a link between a parent’s state and a child’s state?
Yes, a link is seen. In a study of adult children of 9/11 responders who themselves had PTSD, the parent’s current depression was associated with the offspring’s depression. Poor parent-offspring relationships were also associated with offspring depression (Cycowicz et al., 2026).
This finding shows association, not cause. The sample is also specific: the parents had trauma and PTSD, and the data came from an online survey.
So it is fair to say that parent and child states are tied together. Where the tie comes from is the next question.
Why does resemblance not always mean learning from the parent?
Parents and children share more than a home. They also share part of their genes. If a study does not account for this, it may credit parenting for what is partly genetic.
This is why researchers use designs such as children-of-twins and adoption samples. In one study using these designs, the link between positive parenting and child aggression was explained by shared genetics in the children-of-twins design, and no significant link appeared in the adoption sample (Bright et al., 2026).
The outcome there was aggression, not withdrawal. Still, the methodological lesson matters here: part of any parent-child resemblance can be genetic.
A meta-analysis of 45 quasi-experimental studies reached a similar caution from another angle. Negative parenting had a small causal effect on disruptive behavior symptoms (r = 0.13), and no significant effect was found for positive parenting (Karwatowska et al., 2025). The prediction interval was wide, meaning the effect varied between studies.
Both studies concern disruptive behavior and aggression, not friendships. But they suggest that family influence is real yet small and variable, not a fixed verdict.
Does the child also affect the home?
Yes, and this part is often missed in the common belief. In the same study, Bright et al. (2026) found child-to-parent effects on inconsistent discipline in both samples.
In another twin study at ages 9, 12 and 16 (6,213 participants), there were small bidirectional associations between children’s psychopathology and the home environment. The path from the child’s difficulties to the home environment was stronger than the reverse (Nejand et al., 2026).
Bidirectional effect: the parent influences the child, and the child also influences the parent’s behavior. In such a loop, neither side can be called the sole “cause.”
For a family whose child struggles to make friends, this means the parent’s worry, tension or retreat may partly be a consequence, not only a root. These studies were not about friendships, so this is a cautious extension.
If there is an effect, through which pathways does it travel?
One of the closer pieces of evidence comes from a study of preschool children’s anxiety-withdrawal.
Study: 608 children aged 60 to 72 months from public preschools in Denizli, Türkiye, and their parents, analyzed with structural equation modeling. Result: maternal insecure attachment (avoidant and anxious) was linked to child anxiety-withdrawal through parental technoference, meaning device-related distraction during interaction, and then through the child’s prosocial behavior (Özcan & Oral, 2026). The design was cross-sectional, so the order of the pathways is statistical, not a proven time sequence.
Another study of children aged 3 to 5 found that caregivers’ emotional flooding in response to children’s emotions was linked to the persistence of children’s PTSD symptoms. The authors suggest possible mechanisms: modeling of ineffective emotion regulation, children internalizing emotions, and in some cases parental withdrawal (Her & Marshall, 2026). This is the authors’ interpretation, and the sample involved trauma-exposed children.
A further plausible hypothesis is that as a parent’s social circle shrinks, the child has fewer chances for visits and play. This pathway was not directly tested in the sources reviewed for this article, so it remains a hypothesis.
So does a child change only when the parent changes?
The evidence does not support this sentence in that form. Parenting effects in causal analyses are small, part of the resemblance is genetic, the relationship runs both ways, and other factors such as the child’s temperament and experiences with peers also matter.
Still, the parent’s state is not irrelevant. The authors of the caregiver flooding study conclude that interventions addressing caregiver distress are indicated (Her & Marshall, 2026). But none of the sources reviewed showed that treating a parent’s depression directly improves a child’s friendships.
A practical reading: improving the parent’s well-being is a worthwhile lever, not a prerequisite. Direct support for the child and opportunities to interact with peers belong alongside it. Depression is treatable, and seeking help is justified for the parent’s own sake, regardless of the child’s situation.
Further reading: if you are unsure about starting counselling, see Online counselling: is it effective and what is the first session like?
Limitations and cautions
Most studies above are observational or cross-sectional and show only association. The samples also differ: responders with PTSD, preschool children in Türkiye, questions about aggression. They cannot be applied directly to a specific family.
In this search I found no study that directly measures the effect of a parent’s avoidant personality or depression on a child’s difficulty making friends. Only abstracts were reviewed, not full texts.
Labels such as “avoidant personality” or “depression” require professional assessment. This article is not a substitute for individual diagnosis or treatment.
Reflection questions
- Last week, how often did my child see me reach out to others, and how often did they see me stay away?
- What opportunities for peer contact exist for my child that do not depend on my mood and energy?
- Which of my worries about my child also concern me, and which concern only them?
Frequently asked questions
If a parent is depressed, will the child necessarily become depressed?
No. The study above found an association between parental and offspring depression, but an association means higher likelihood in a group, not a fixed fate for an individual (Cycowicz et al., 2026).
Should the parent get treatment first so the child improves?
The reviewed sources do not establish such an order. Support for the parent and support for the child can proceed together; a professional who knows the family can better judge the specifics.
Does this mean the parent is to blame?
No. Bidirectional effects and genetic contributions show that a one-way, blaming explanation does not fit the evidence. Understanding these patterns helps in choosing a path, not in passing judgment.
References
- Bright, J. K., et al. (2026). Triangulating evidence for genetic and environmental components of associations between parental behaviours and aggressive behaviour in children. Nature Communications. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41467-026-75095-5
- Cycowicz, Y. M., et al. (2026). The long shadow of 9/11: Mental health outcomes in adult children of World Trade Center Responders with PTSD. PLOS Mental Health. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pmen.0000574
- Her, H., & Marshall, A. D. (2026). Change in preschoolers’ PTSD symptom severity predicted by caregivers’ emotional flooding and aggression. Development and Psychopathology. https://doi.org/10.1017/s0954579426101709
- Karwatowska, L., et al. (2025). Positive and negative parenting practices and offspring disruptive behavior: A meta-analytic review of quasi-experimental evidence. Psychological Bulletin. https://doi.org/10.1037/bul0000495
- Nejand, J. K., et al. (2026). How are children’s perceptions of the home environment associated with a general psychopathology factor across childhood? Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry. https://doi.org/10.1111/jcpp.70046
- Özcan, A., & Oral, T. (2026). Maternal avoidant and anxious/ambivalent attachment and children’s anxiety-withdrawal: The serial indirect associations of parental technoference and prosocial behavior. Behavioral Sciences. https://doi.org/10.3390/bs16101870